Keith's Blog

2006-07-16T09:56:00.000-07:00

To you, in particular; I know i dont know much and stuff, but if you need to talk about it, just give me a call. Sometimes it's just better to let things out, you know, get your thoughts straightened out and stuff.

Got up on the wrong side of bed today. Just didn't feel right, somehow. And that funny feeling persisted throughout today. And it bugged me quite a bit, i admit. But then, again my problem is a minor one. Probably the only reason why its here is cos this is my blog, and its supposed to be about me anyway. And im supposed to be the stable guy. So i'll have to get over this issue pretty fast.

And i will. Cause i have to. And there's really no point being concerned with factors beyond my control, you know.

Every now and then i wonder if its just a dream im chasing. But then i think over it, and i come to the conclusion that its not. If it were, id accept a replacement, i guess. But i wont, so its not. I think.

I think this sounds kind of emo. Though it's not supposed to be. Don't worry, i'll be okay in the morning. The night does funny things to people.

2006-07-16T05:59:00.000-07:00

“My demand upon the philosopher is known, that he take his stand beyond good and evil and leave the illusion of moral judgment beneath himself. This demand follows from an insight which I was the first to formulate: that there are altogether no moral facts. Moral judgments agree with religious ones in believing in realities which are no realities. Morality is merely an interpretation of certain phenomena — more precisely, a misinterpretation. Moral judgments, like religious ones, belong to a stage of ignorance at which the very concept of the real, and the distinction between what is real and imaginary, are still lacking: thus "truth", at this stage, designates all sorts of things which we today call "imaginings". Moral judgments are therefore never to be taken literally: so understood, they always contain mere absurdity.”-Friedrich Nietzsche

2006-07-15T08:41:00.000-07:00

Went out with eunice to lunch today at kfc, ps. at kfc were three macs employees. in full macs uniforms . Talk about a lack of loyalty to company.

Anyway, we were supposed to do the youth newsletter. Which is proving harder than i had anticipated. But i've got my interview with Andy already, so that's one down.

For some strange reason im doing youth worship again tomorrow. I have no idea why. The youth ministry is facing a serious lack of mucisians. In my opinion.

There was a PW meeting at 5. It wouldn't be what i call productive, but with kenny in the group things are bound to be fun. And then there's that universal topic to which the class can relate to. Well, most of the class, i guess. My project work group- kenny, charissa, elizabeth, song im- is a nice group to have. I wouldn't trade you guys in for any other project work group in class.

The stability of recent times has been much welcome. I feel pretty upbeat now, though admittedly i've been really sleepy the whole of this week. (cs-s withdrawal?) Heck, i almost feel like i'm unstoppable. There've been the lows of getting back results, but its not managed to dampen my mood thus far. I'm just hoping this lovely wave lasts a little while longer. I think the series on self-talk was very very useful. It got me thinking.

Incidentally, i just bought wipeout pure and fifa'05, both on impulse. But heck, both for a total of twenty-five bucks? Haha its freaking cheap! Sally will be happy.

2006-07-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

After a long hiatus this morning im not quite as tired.

This week has been pretty fun. Sally came on sunday. Along with a strong need to be cease unnecessary spending. Which, up to this point, has not come into occurrence. And Tokobot is much harder than i thought. Though I defeated the second boss yesterday!

then from monday to friday i was slaughtered by returning exam scripts. The results were quite expected. Partly cause i didnt study, partly cause i was nursing a bout of flu during the papers. But when the results are announced it hits you anyway.

Went out with Charissa and Charis (timothy-friend) yesterday. It turns out that she's a classmate of one of my primary school mates now in CJ. And also that the mate in question is now a stalker. Which is pretty scary. Not that i considered him completely normal in primary school, but he was a good guy. And he was normal enough to be accepted by his friends. Which is not a universal situation, as my class can attest.

Regarding the last statement, i'd like to quote a classmate of mine. "Its sympathy. Not empathy."

David hurt himself during soccer. Quite badly. Poor guy. Refer to Marcus's blog for the grisly details.

Math tuition yesterday. The teacher looked familar, and it turned out he was from nanhua. But i had no contact with him in secondary school; he didnt teach me or (to the best of my knowledge) anyone i know. But he's not too bad. I sort of understand functions. Which is supposed to be really easy. But really isnt.

Li Liang and Elaine's wedding today. But i've got a PW meeting so i couldn't make it.

2006-07-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

I am very sleepy.

Which is why i got pwnd during history today. I was nodding off. And i was taking really long blinks. Like blinking for 5 seconds each time. And getting up with a start. So during one of my extended blinks Ms Narindar saw sleepy keith, and said over the mic, 'SOMEBODY PLEASE WAKE KEITH UP.'

First pwnage: duhh.
Second pwnage: she knows my name. crap.

Its elevenfortyfive now and im doing GP. Im half-asleep. And im going to die tomorrow. Hopefully there's econs. So i can have a little nap.

2006-07-09T00:28:00.000-07:00

I've been hit by the dota bug. i must resist. cause i have made a commitment not to. and i will keep to my commitment.

well, our history exam scripts are gone. so we're retaking the paper this tuesday. which is kind of good i guess. that friday i'd just come back from the brouhaha of church camp. and i was very distracted. so my hist paper was pretty screwed up.

yesterday i got the go-ahead to buy my psp. after 10 months of waiting. now all i have to do is save up.

its quite miraculous, really. i'd given up all hope. it seemed completely hopeless; as if all my efforts towards getting what i wanted had been in vain. and it was gone. just for me to admire from a distance, which i did, for a really long while.

and suddenly the hope is revived. it seems in my reach. permission long thought denied is granted. i see the light! its shining on me!

now all i need to do is save up. and then find the time to go to comics connection. or playboxx. or sph.

PSP here i come!!!

2006-07-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

funny stuff has been happening in school. funny as in, weird. but it doesnt seem appropriate putting it here. mainly cause i have absolutely no idea who reads this. and it seems absolutely retarded whenever i think about it.

im starting to actually like tutorials now. lit today wasnt too bad. being in the back row is cool. actually, its pretty hot cause the fans dont reach us. but then backrow people pwn. its more casual. and you can sleep if you want to.

and im supposed to do my pbl now. but it kind of sucks doing it alone. so im waiting for charissa to come online. and im doing my best to convince jon to start doing his pbl now. to avoid being too badly pwnd tomorrow.

anyway. things are looking up nowadays. the issues that have been pressing lately have been settled. or put on hold. but that's okay, cos there's no rational way to settle it now. i think. but there's been relative tranquility over here. stability, i would say. if 'brave new world' hadnt completely destroyed and desecrated the word. then again, i'd almost fancy living in brave new world. everybody's happy; in the world portrayed by huxley, there is little rational reason to doubt their morality (if we see things in the world on bnw). but that's beside the point.

hopefully i'll finish my pbl by 3. i want to catch the world cup finals. so i need all the sleep i can get the next few days. i was sort of behind germany. but they're out. too bad, i guess.

incidentally, i got top frag on cs-s just now. i cant tell you how much my ego has been boosted. from now on im just playing terrorists.

411 j00 |34$3 4|23 |331o|\|9 70 /\/\3!!1!!1 1 4/\/\ 73|-| 1337z0|2)()(zz!!1!!1

2006-07-06T02:26:00.000-07:00

i was supposed to have math tuition with samuel after school today. but sam got the date wrong. or something. so math tuition will start next week.

so sam and i went to ikea for lunch. get jealous, charissa. it was something like three in the afternoon and ikea was quite empty, by ikean standards.

but there really isnt much to shop at ikea. so we went over to queenstown to take a look. over at queensway, we saw some girl from pj. sam went, 'wow she's hot!' i said, 'she looks familiar!' after a while i recognised jiale. haha. it was rather amusing. to me.

then we went to anchorpoint. 'cause queensway has only so much to see.

2006-07-05T08:50:00.000-07:00

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED BY: charissa.

FAVOURITES
favourite colour: black. or white. but white always starts first.
favourite food: erm. it depends on the situation. but i'd go for something chicken.
favourite song: at this point of time --> '25 minutes' and 'breaking my heart' by michael learns to rock.
favourite day of the week: sunday, most of the time. though sometimes its saturday.
favourite season: well now there's only summer. but i loved winter. cos there was snow. and snow is fun.

CURRENTS
current mood: kind of tired. erm. yeah.
current taste: what?
current clothes: tee shirt. shorts.
current desktop: its a redvsblue wallpaper. and its really nice. been there some time though.
current toenail: i refuse to answer questions that arent rational to me. i dont understand!
current time: 11.51PM. JULY 6TH. This is kind of beside the point. but anyway. i promised to do this thing.
current surroundings: there's a dead computer next to me. the internet is inexplicably gone from its presence and nobody's used it for a while.
current annoyances: haha. i dont think you need to know.
current thoughts: gosh why am i doing this thing? i promised not to complain!

FIRSTS
first best friends: some girl-next-door. i cant remember her real name but i called her carrot. she's a vague memory but i recall she was about 7 (really old!), really friendly and blonde.
first crush: in primary school we had an anti-girls' club. no contact with girls. boys rule! (not in the sense it seems to imply though)
first movie: i have no idea. i think it was the little mermaid.

LASTS
last cigarette: pall mall. actually, im supposed to be asthmatic and cant smoke. supposedly.
last drink: a little drop from the inside of a liquor chocolate. which caused three days of hives, 2 visits to AnE, 1 visit to the GP and 2 injections.
last movie: superman returns. with neo and amanda.
last phone call: jiawiei. asking what time he was coming over.

HAVE YOU EVER...
have you ever dated your best friend: nope.
have you ever broken the law: i've jaywalked before, i guess.
have you ever been arrested: nope. duh.
have you ever skinny-dipped: what the heck?
have you ever been on tv: nah.

5 things you are wearing: there's only 3! see above. in currents.
4 things you done today: watched germany v italy, played cs-s, went to ocs, did this thing, went to school.
3 things you can hear right now: the fish tank. there's the sound of running water.
2 things you are going to do: im about to sleep now. one more question.
1 thing you do when you are bored: i think. sometimes it turns into self-talk. but nowadays in succeeding in the battle against self-talk, i think.

2006-07-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

We went to the ocs today. it was actually quite fun. though it was a tad draggy. playing with guns is fun.

things have pretty much calmed down a lot this week. which is good, i guess. i could use some routine over here. i think i've been overreacting to some of the things that happened. and as jiawei pointed out, some issues may simply be the fault of my perception. right now its best just to leave everything alone for the time being. not that everything that's been on my mind has been resolved, but no point worrying over things beyond my control.

im quite happy school's reopened. its nice to settle down again and to have some immediate, tangible purpose (abeit temporary) to occupy myself. and there's all the nice people i see everyday. though marcus has been a naughty boy recently havent you marcus. tsktsk.

2006-07-02T03:10:00.000-07:00

i went to watch superman with neo and amanda yesterday. i liked the show. i mean, superman's the world's most powerful superhero! he'd beat spiderman and wolverine or whoever so bad, there'd be no point even resisting.

im supposed to do some blog quiz from charissa's blog. but im about to go play css now. so i'll do it soon.

its been a pretty rough period recently. but the good times are here. i think. and life will return to normal. supposedly.

incidentally, ive been listening to michel learns to rock a lot recently. the self-titled album. its got nice songs and its one of the first cds i bought right after getting my iPod. it might be worth 20 dollars, getting their cd. or you could get keane's under the iron sea. which seems equally fab.

time for cs-s. 1 4/\/\ 73|-| 1773)()( 0|2z$zz!!1!! okay, maybe im not, but its just not yet.

2006-06-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

Chinese a's oral was today. didnt go quite as i expected. but then again it wasnt a disaster.

i've been pretty distracted today. i mean, not that anything unexpected happened or anything. i just feel very dreamy. it's like being admitted into cjc; i never expected my life would be like this last year. and its not that its bad. its just completely unforseen. (by unforseen im thinking in terms of last year.)

after a while i decided to take things lighter. cos its not as serious an issue as i have been making it out to be. i mean, there's the very real chance that untoward events may occur. but then again its not really smart to adopt a wholly morose attitude towards things.

and everything will be fine.

because the worst things i envisioned that could happen have happened. like the transfer request to fairfield. and the years at nan hua. and the 14 points at o levels. the scores for lit, bio and english. and so much more that has occured over the last four years. i mean, not that its anything major, it was just a terrible disappointment. and each time i thought, aww this sucks, my life sucks.

but each time i have seen the hand of God working, and the will behind the things that happen to me. for all that i didnt like about nanhua, the years there were, in retrospect, moulding. and humbling. and i know that the years of secondary school may not have been fun all the time, but they let me see what God wanted changed in me. and how. and when i look back its hard to envision how things would have been different, had the things i wanted and expected happened. (the transfer to fairfield, in particular).

and i will accept His will. because He know what's best. and i dont.

2006-06-28T21:20:00.000-07:00

Papers were over yesterday. I just hope for results that are good enough for promotion.

and right after math yesterday marcus charissa and i went to coffee bean. i thank God for classmates like you. You all rock :)

2006-06-27T04:12:00.000-07:00

one more paper to go. which, very unfortunately, is math. which is not very good. so after midyears im starting math tuition. supposedly with samuel, if things work out well.

friday was the history paper. which wasnt very cool. cos it was the day after church camp. and i was still hung over from everything that happened. so history wasnt really very great. but it wasnt completely crap. i think.

saturday was lit. lit was. pretty good, i think. the poem was about creation. and it was very inspiring. at least, to me. if i can i will post it here, hopefully. othello wasnt too bad.

monday- econs. econs was kind of screwed-up. cos i had a bout of flu. and my pen died on me after one hour. so i had to use the little nib in my wallet. well, at least there was the nib. and then there was chinese. what can i say?

today was lit. which was not too bad. not fantastic, but not bad.

and tomorrow is math.

and the day after is cs-s day.

2006-06-24T07:27:00.000-07:00

happy birthday charissa!

2006-06-23T03:53:00.000-07:00

today was the history exams.

i wasnt really mentally prepared. still in the holiday mood. not to mention recovering from church camp.

i dont think i did as well as i could have. but anyway. history is over. id almost say history is history, but the phrase (or pun. its a weak pun though) is overused. horribly.

and i had lunch with marcus and charissa and elizabeth. it was good talking to them. about all the insanely crazy things that we did and that happened to us over the past month.

and we were laughing. and making loads of noise.

and when we regained our senses, the canteen was silent.

everyone else was studying.

2006-06-22T07:27:00.000-07:00

just came back from church camp. most of which was pretty good.

i'm not quite sure what i did was the right thing to do. maybe i let my mind get clouded by stuff too much. on the other hand, i'd just be berating myself if i didnt.

enough of the self-talk. or DTPs. (destructive thought patterns).

the second best thing about church camp was the people. it was just great getting to know the younger youths. ben lim, kyser, caleb, james, kenneth, jedaiah. its great to know that they're all grown up and stuff.

and i just felt nearer to God. and He was there for me. even when it felt like it wasnt. and when i look back on the past few days i see His hand moving. doing wonders. providing for me. even when he felt far away.

i took a timeout to think about things. cos i wasnt really thinking rationally. and i've sort of sorted things out. for myself, at least. well, i think i've managed to sort things out. and i feel very calm today. though admittedly i was kind of distracted during history paper. but i managed to ignore it. most of the time. save the 30-second breaks between questions.

incidentally, i just found out that georgina and zaewe are classmates. (georgina is a classmate and ogl mate from the first three months)

somebody save zaewe.

2006-06-15T03:33:00.000-07:00

Xiangling, ruihon and i went to get earphones today. They were pretty expensive, $42 in fact. (xiangling's cost $170, rh and i got the 42 buck ones). Creative sucks. But their earphones arent too bad.

I've been bumping into quite a few jj people recently, maybe because its the holidays. And today i saw two extremists, otherwise known as ogls. We walked past mac's at JE when i became couscious of two individuals waving frantically (fanatically?) at me. It's a scary experience.

It took me quite a while to register the identities of the subjects.

Anyway. Im going to settle some things in the next few days. Important things that i have been putting off repeatedly (and for the informed, probably not what you may have guessed, abeit related). I don't know if im being stupid or rash here, but i feel it is something i need to do. Relationships are worth saving. And this one is no exception. I will not sacrifice a relationship for my own ends. Not this one, anyway.

2006-06-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

Im going out to study soon. Which is good. I need to start studying.

Jiawei was over yesterday. And we were talking about; what else. So i was just weighing the positive and negative aspects of possible actions and outcomes.

And tentatively, i've decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Its safer that way. And less stressful on everybody, i guess. And the friendship is already strained. I don't want to sever it completely.

I haven't really been thinking quite so calmly in recent days. What i want to do conflicts with what i rationalise would be the safest and most beneficial course of action.

But anyway. There's a positive side to all this mess. Here i'd like to mention a few names; Lydia, Jessica, Marcus, Charissa and Jiawei. Thank you all for the support you've given. Its almost hard to imagine how much i appreciate you guys.

2006-06-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

life has been good recently.

saturday was the inter-church captain's ball and soccer tournament. i was dragged into the team which was seemingly assembled pretty last-minute. tean cg5, covenant a team. haha.

Anyway by the hand of Providence, or a stroke of amazing grace we did pretty well and got into the finals. which wasnt played. cos the opposition was the covenant b team. and that made it sort of redundant. in a good way. cos everyone was pretty tired.

And im feeling pretty tired too, now. Aside from the fact that its one in the morning at the moment, today's been pretty stressful. All the unspoken things.

And i've been torn these few days between confrontation and just leaving this issue alone. I cannot deny the fact that this is affecting me quite a bit. I dont know how much i value my friendship with you, and i will not say that it has not been depreciating in value a lot ever since. And i confess my part to play in this rift. because i admit that i saw your name on the phone, and i made a conscious decision not to answer. not one that im proud of. and i have not been able to let the issue cloud our friendship.

and now it seems i have to let go somewhere. because its not good straining everyone like this.

Because i am not a fighter. when i played with the church soccer team back in junior secondary, we were behind quite a lot. And i would tell myself, it's no use being upset and demoralised, i've got to fight, now is the time. But somehow it never worked. So i just stood around and kicked grass. And when i played chess with reuel, i'd mostly win except for the times i blundered away a piece early game. And lost my head.

Fighting is not fun. I wish i had the guts to get up when im down, but it happens up there and not where it matters. So im pretty much in a dilemma now.

Incidentally, i dropped my phone three times last week . So there are 2 ugly scratches on it. (i know it doesnt add up. but im not too sure why). 5 more months until my contract runs out!

And i forgot to mention that we went to the airport to send auntie waiyin and uncle giles and thibault and adrian off. They're going back to germany. Doesnt seem like they cared much about the little fest going on over there right now. I think thibault is scared of me. Which is a first. thibault and my little sister get along really well. and there were the usual cries of 'thibault has a girlfriend!' and 'omigosh but they're sooo young!'. which isnt really right really, cos they're close relations, making it inappropriate. but thibault doesnt understand english(only speaks french, german and chinese(?!)) and my sister hasnt learned to talk yet, so they didnt understand, which is quite as well. some things are better off left unsaid. especially if you say them too many times.

2006-06-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

Neo's theory-the fun bar.

The fun bar is a meter that measures the amount of fun one is having, as the name may suggest. When the fun bar goes beyond the preset parameters, permission to engage in pleasurable activities hitherto allowed is withdrawn.

The fun bar in action: Keith goes out. Keith has fun. Fun level goes up. Fun level exceeds recommended parameters. Countermeasures are initiated to restore previous level of fun. Boredom returns.

It's 3 in the morning now and i'm not thinking straight. Maybe cos im still kind of pissed off.

2006-06-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

I was sick yesterday. Not too sure why, either. Just felt really groggy and all. Still kind of weak today.

Holidays are fun. Its nice to be able to wake up at 10 plus every day. And to go to bed at 2. And to go out with friends you didn't have the time to go out with during school time. And to have time to read dilbert comics. And play unreal2004 every day. And watch RedvsBlue. And stuff.

But it just feels wrong, somehow. Its as if i've lost my direction, not doing anything actually worth doing. Like i'm neglecting the important stuff.

Well, i did get to page 100 of tarling yesterday. Tarling's introduction sucks badly, but the later parts aren't quite as bad.

Well, today i'll be going out with neo for a little game of generals. We were supposed to have the 1v1 something like 2 years ago, but we never quite got down to it. We'll see how superweapons generals kicks air force generals ass. Today. EMP patriot pwnxors king raptors!

Then william will join us for dinner-his treat. Haha. I hope i don't get overwhelmed by the stupid flu or whatever it is and faint on the street.

2006-06-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

Well, recently there's been this really big wasp buzzing about my room. I guessed there had to be something drawing it there. But i didnt know what. So last night, i went to my room. And looked around.

And i saw a frigging nest on my ceiling, right above my bed. What the heck.

At least it wasnt really that big. So it could be removed. But im just wondering what my friend will think, when he returns today. Or is it she?

Hope she's not too mad.

2006-06-05T20:44:00.000-07:00

What were you doing in secondary school?
1) Playing computer games. Red Alert 2, Generals, Call of Duty, KotoR 1 and 2, Battlefield 1942, BFV, Age of Empires 2, Liero, Food wars, Worms, Wormrage, Need for speed- underground, you get the point.
2) Study. At the second half of sec4. But that's the most recent memory, so it stands out very prominently.
2) Hang around/slack. Sometimes at home, even.

Five of your favourite singers / bands?
1) Sting/The Police
2) Michael Learns to Rock
3)Keane
4)Bon Jovi
5)James BLunt.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire?
1) Get a really nice computer. And any other electronic gadget i ever wanted. Like the PSP. And the xbox.
2) Buy a new house. This one's getting kind of crowded.
3) I think I'll get my own car. Merc S-class. Or Mazda RX-8.
4) I'd fly to newcastle and get a season ticket for St James Park.
5) Get a new teevee. And a HD-DVD player. When it's out. Die, Blu-Ray!

Five things you like doing?
1) Playing computer games. Duh.
2) Staying at home, doing nothing.
3) Going out, every now and then. Which kind of contradicts point 2.
4) Finding a really nice book. That captivates my interest.
5) Watching good machinima. ie. Redvsblue. Crap like ThisSpartanLife doesnt count.

Five things you would never buy, wear or get?
1) PS2. I hate PS2 games. Load of crap.
2) Sims2. The dumbest game ever to become a commercial success. Its boring and crappy and explicit. And a copy is resting a foot to the right of my computer monitor.
3) Any portable music player by Creative. Long live Apple!
4) Macintosh. Apple makes stupid products too.
5) ATI graphics card. Just a little personal bias here in favour of nVidia.

Five favourites?
1) I like Jurong library. And borders.
2) Tekka mall's lan shop. Its cheap and good. And notoriously unreliable. A sizeable number of Dota games were interrupted by players lagging out. IN A LAN SHOP!!!
3) i like ikea.
4) Star wars.
5) i cant think of anything right now.

5 people to do this
1) i don't actually know who reads my blog. So if you do, just do it, i guess.

2006-06-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

It’s been two days since.

I thought I would feel something different. Like the lifting of a burden. Or something. But it didn’t materialise quite the way I hoped it would.

Well I was speaking to my friend today. Not speaking, actually. It was more of the conveying of information. Merely in a non-personal context. But still there’s that uncomfortable feeling, that sense that something isn’t quite right here. There isn’t the bond anymore.

And it kind of sucks. There’s nothing I can do. If I could, I would. But I can’t. Until the day we resolve this openly. Which recontextualises the unresolved issue into a generalised paradigm. (I’ve been reading a lot of Dilbert recently. Ha, ha)

Well, since there’s nothing I can do, why bother anyway.

When I look back at the issues that bothered me five years ago, I can’t help but be amused at the utterly insignificant things I worried about. Some of which did turn out as badly as I imagined they would. (I only found out about some of this recently). I guess I wasn’t too smart at 14.

And when I look back now, I can’t help but smile at the things that bugged me so much.

And when I look back 5 years from now, I know things will be great, no matter how badly this stuff blows up. (which might be quite bad)

And I know there’s Someone beyond me who smiles with me. =]

2006-06-02T00:02:00.000-07:00

Piano lesson's just over.

For some inexplicable reason, the teacher now speaks in chinese, the rare occasions that she speaks other than 'no', 'again', and 'that's not correct', which remain in English. Which is pretty irritating.

I have this feeling that im going to flunk grade 7.

2006-06-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

My cousins came over today. Tina, age 10. Tiffany, age 5. As you might probably have guessed, they're sisters.

I don't really like my cousins. It dates back something like 5 years, when everybody was little and short and tina came over most every day. And irritated my. A lot. I never quite liked tina. She's not really nice to others. And she's proud of it. She claims, "All the boys in my class are scared of me".

They've got good reason to be.

So i stayed in my room after waking up and only came out at 5.30. Managed to actually get down to reading Tarling, but not very far. Tarling is not a very interesting writer.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, i guess.

2006-05-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

I FINISHED DOWNLOADING ALL FOUR SEASONS OF REDVSBLUE!

I feel a sense of accomplishment.

Incidentally, Rajan is going to own us all tomorrow. Help.

2006-05-30T00:22:00.000-07:00

Gosh. I am a mutant. I know i am a mutant. I just havent discovered my powers!

If all your siblings are freaks, you've just gotta be a mutant.

Why is my skin turning blue?

2006-05-29T09:12:00.000-07:00

Lessons today were just abysmal. Math was boring. Lit was boring.

Jon, sam and i went for a little haircut. I think my head looks like something went off.

Anyway. The main event of the day was the night. Sounds kind of contradictory. Anyway, we had dinner at joe's kitchen, which, for the unenlightened, is a restaurant serving thai food. It's opposite queensway shopping centre. And the food is pretty yummy.

But it wasnt really the reunion it was supposed to be. Granted, it was better than i anticipated, at least. Maybe it was just me. But there was that familar tension, the sense that something wasn't quite right. Thankfully our dear caleb was there, so i could divert my attention from the opposite end of the table.

This is not good. Its not right or fair that i should stand in the way of things. Its almost as if my presence is obstructing something that i have no right to interfere in. I don't even freakin' know what's going on, and from the way things are going there's no way im going to know in the foreseeable future.

This sucks.

But i will be stable. I have to.

By the way, thank God for marc and charissa. you guys roxxors. haha.

2006-05-27T08:56:00.000-07:00

The holidays have started.

Anyway. Today was Hweelee and Huijuan's wedding. It was pretty cool.

And after the wedding i went to meet eunice and jessica at some place called international plaza. There's a really quiet coffee bean outlet there. Unfortunately, they closed at like 6. And eunice had to go for a family dinner. So i went to harbourfront with jessica.

So at like 9 we left harbourfront, after like 3 hours of 'studying'. It was pretty good over at harbourfront. And so i took a bus to lorong sarhad, from which im supposed to cut through kent ridge park to get home.

So i walked towards kent ridge park. And i was feeling pretty confident. What's a little walk in the park in the middle of the night?

Unfortunately im not exactly the bravest out there, and as i walked near the park i began to get just a little bit nervous.

And as i approached the park i just got a teeny weeny bit more timid.

Until i got to the bend of road, beyond which was the slope leading to kent ridge park, where i began to freak out. I guess it sounds funny now, but just now it really really wasn't funny. Really. Kent ridge park is really dark. And lonely. And wild, somehow.

So i steeled myself and tried to be brave, and took out my iPod to listen to worship music, and i wanted to pray for courage to, well, walk through the park.

And as i stopped and made my final preparations, i saw a light.

Two lights, in fact, radiating from the headlights of a vehicle.

A taxi.

Salvation.

Gosh.

But what on earth was a taxi doing in the middle of nowhere, coming down the slope of kent ridge park? Not to mention the fact that the cab had been waiting at the bend for a few minutes already.

Coincidence?

2006-05-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

I am tired.

Its been an interesting year.
And most of it was good, too. Like leaving ggc. Like everyone at cj. Like what's been going on in church, at home.

But i guess it's the little things that make one tired. Can't remember where i read about it. It's the mundane things like forgetting to bring a pen to school, like a stain on your shirt, like not receiving a reply to your message that gets to you, not the big things.

And then there's everything that's not going quite as i'd like it to. I'd dearly love to put it in words, right here. But it's almost as if i can't bear to, almost as if writing it out makes it even more real.

And i am weary.

But He said, "Come unto Me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest."

I go to Him.

2006-05-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

i feel almost guilty saying this, but what happened with andy during pe today was simply hilarious. Gosh. It's almost impossible to watch a 17 year old boy, in front of all his whispering classmates, with two fingers up his ****. zomg.

2006-05-24T02:25:00.000-07:00

Its the last week of the term.

A term in CJC passed pretty quickly. CJ wasnt exactly the paradise i envisioned, but then again it beats ggc. flat.

And im really appreciative of my classmates, to Marcus and Charissa and Elizabeth, to Jon, to Sam, even to Kenny. Yes, even Kenny. For making 1t05 such a great place to be in. It's a blessing to have such great classmates.

I guess i've been pretty unstable recently, with all the bad news and the deluge of homework, with the history pbl that charissa and i finished at 4 on monday morning. It wasnt really great, but i guess it wasnt either for all of us.

But anyway, that time is over. yay.

2006-05-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

Its half past 3 in the morning now. Charissa and I were rushing out the darned pbl. Since yesterday. I can't believe it's done.

Anyway. It's been a really eventful bunch of days recently. From like friday until today.

On friday, i met a frien of trey's, who' s from 1t03. Somehow we started talking about philosophy and religion. I admit, it's been a long time since i talked about these stuff. Or thought about it, for that matter. And my books are getting pretty dusty.

But it's good, i guess, to have my faith challenged once in a while. So that i can reaffirm it. And i can stand steadfast in the knowledge that my faith is not blind. My faith is when i rely on someone i can trust, someone who stands by me. It's the faith that lets me lie on a chair in the knowledge that it will support me. It's the faith that tells me my life has meaning and value, that at the end of the day i haven't lived in vain, that i know where i'm going after i leave this world.

And i can go to bed now in the knowledge that i am loved, that my sins are washed away and i am a child of Someone greater.

Good night.

2006-05-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

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